CONFUSION...

It is almost the end of the 2nd semester in my college. Just 2 exams more 2 go. I wont say that my 1st yr and everything related 2 it is gonna end after that. That’s coz I’m gonna flunk this time,flunk like HELL. In the first sem, I was myself, like most of the times in my dull past. In 2nd sem, I decided 2 be like others, like a college going student. I wanted 2 try 2 be unlike me and thot I would be ready to face its consequences. I started mixing with ppl to a huge extent. Started going out much more often. Started drinkin occasionally. Started indulging myself in a relationship. Started 2 think that I hav the capacity 2 manage studies at the last hour. Wanted 2 feel what being COOL is all about. I hav succeeded in my trial but my primary cause has been defeated. I have given the worst final exam of my life. What shud I do? I am kinda enjoyin this new life. This is probably one of the best 6 months in my life. But what about studies? Is it like if I enjoy then that wud cost my studies? No, enuf is enuf. I cant flunk in exams like this. When evry1 says their exam went nice I gotta make sure that mine is also nice. Sometimes I think that these luxuries may also be enjoyd later but only if I control my studies properly. Cant rejoice at the cost of studies. Shall I become a nerd like before? A question which has stolen my night’s sleep and continue to bother me so frequently. Why cant I be like ppl who manage both studies and partying? WhY Why WHY ???

WHY ARE WE BORN ???

They say God never sends anyone to earth without a purpose. Everybody has their own purpose. Very shortly after we are born the orthodox system of education is impinged upon us. As we grow we develop our ambitions in addition to our hobbies. They vary immensely from person to person. But that does not mean that the ambition and/or hobby of one person is cheaper than those of others. Our parents play a very important part in out life when we are growing. Their guidance and degree of discipline influences our life directly. Now parents are also of largely varying types and so are their procedures of imparting discipline. Some parents are practical and learn to respect their child’s decisions and are with their child in his/her bad times. Others want their child to do everything and be everything which they want them to be or which they wanted to be but could not fulfill it. We are born to study, study a lot. But hey, everyone studies and everyone gets good or bad marks. Does it really seggregate one from the rest? The answer is a big no. I think we are born mainly for relations and the beauty of it. There are many relations in this world which are very special for us. Even the feeling of it makes us proud. Relations are built on trust and mutual understanding. Once they cease to exist so does the relation. Now relations can be between any two persons. It can be in the form of a parent, friend, lover etc etc. From great relations come sacrifices and undertaking risks. When we don’t care a shit about ourselves and do anything to satisfy or protect our loved ones then only we are truly respecting the relation. And the happiness we get from that is priceless. The pureness of the relation makes us wait for chances where we can be of any use for their smiles. One such relation is love as in boyfriend girlfriend relation. Love has become a lot artificial and superficial these days but that does not take away the true meaning of love from it. Love means to care for someone, to make someone’s feelings your own. It means to do anything and everything to make him/her happy. We always keep thinking about our loved ones and seek opportunities to prove our love to them. And when we are able to do something we get on cloud number 9. The same applies for all close relations among loved ones. I don’t know about others but I think I am born to make good relations and perform them selflessly. I think I am born to win trust and love of people and that will make me different from them who think they are born to make money or have sex or become a doctor or whatever. When you are aware that someone is feeling secure and happy because of you u feel you are at the top of the world. From loving comes missing. When we are away from our loved ones we understand the meaning of missing. Missing means to suffer due to the lack of proximity of your loved one. Is their any better thing in the world than to have great relations ??? Everything else is temporary and can be spent and does not last long. But this is really an exception. This famous poem is dedicated to all my known ones who are NOT enjoying relation(s) built on understanding,care,trust and love……

Duniya mein kitni hain nafratein...

Phir bhi dilo main hain chahatey.

Mar bhi jaaye pyaar waale...

Mit bhi jaaye yaar waale....

Zinda rehti hain unki mohabbatein.

FOR SOMEONE WHO WAS SPECIAL

Dont love me for fun girl
Lemme be your one girl
Love me for a reason
Let the reason be love...

If you are reading this,then I have only one thing to say,
If I know you well enough you ARE suffering for that decision,
And I DO know you well enough......

Expectations out of nowhere

When I dont expect anything from anyone and people can see that clearly,why do they still attach their expectations with me? They just do not seem to see that I am not interested in fulfilling their expectations. And when I fulfill an expectation they seem to assume that they have enslaved me,and I have no business or interest in meeting their desires. And when I do not or am unable to fulfill their expectation,they think that I am the most cruel and insane person in the world,forgetting in one nanosecond that he himself has never been asked for anything by me,forgetting the previous favours which I have met selflessly. The world is really very cruel,getting more and more cruel day by day, and I am getting more and more clueless how to go about it. A strong feeling of hatred from the burden of expectations of people surrounding me is engulfing me day by day and I seem to lose my soul in it.

Why me?

Why am I the one to target?

Why am I the one to torment?

Do I deserve all of these?

Or is it just an indication I am failing to interpret?

People face a lot of failures in their life

Failures are a part of life

Nobody can deny that

Neither can I and neither will I

But mistakes should not be repeated

That’s a very important thing

And I fail to follow it

Bad things happen with everyone

Bad things happen with me

But they don’t repeat themselves

And I am the exception

Don’t know why I cant understand the insides

What’s it that I am expected to interpret

May be I should think more

May be I should try more

Then I will get what I desire

Then I wont get what I don’t desire